PUN 4 FUN
An ANNUAL PUN competition is held by the ‘New York Times’.
This year’s submissions:
- I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
- This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
- I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
- I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
- A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
- He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
- Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
- I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
- Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
- Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
- What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled
- Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
- Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
- If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
- Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
- I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
- How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
- I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
- I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
- Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
- Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
- When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stair.
- Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
- I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
- I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
